She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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