I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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