we made out on top of his cat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
