This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
