Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
