It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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