So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
