go do what you do best...puke behind churches
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
