He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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