I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
