and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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