i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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