Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
