This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is the high leading the old right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
