That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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