YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
