We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
