The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
