I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
