I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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