Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
