Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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