he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
