theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
