i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there's paper in my vomit.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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