Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
