Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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