I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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