I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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