3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
