her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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