my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize