i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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