You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
