We're facebook friends in real life
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
