ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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