and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its not stalking. its research.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
