my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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