Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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