dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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