ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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