I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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