You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
