Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We are two peas in an std pod
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
