I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
