Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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