ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
