Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize