she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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