I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
