well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
