If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
BRING THE BAGELS
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
