she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
