just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
