He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
