your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
