They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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