Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize