the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My hand turned me down
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
