I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
