I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
