nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
