smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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