Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
