Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
