I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
