i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
