$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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