Why does Corona taste like a burp?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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