Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
